Caring for our Children: The Power of Grandfriends
Written By Gail Schechter, Executive Director
“The greatest lie we tell ourselves as a society is that we care for our children.” I meditate on this somber truth every day since I heard Rabbi Bruce Elder of Congregation Hakafa utter it in his sermon for this Jewish new year. He put a mirror in front of us and I cannot turn away.
If we truly cared for children beyond those in our families, he said, we would not allow refugees to suffer at our southern border, neglect public schools in Black, brown, or indigenous neighborhoods, or fail to protect them from disease.
Above all, we would have addressed climate change long ago. According to a new study released in Science, children born in 2020 will experience two to seven times more catastrophic events like heat waves than those born in 1960 – and that’s assuming that already adopted climate pledges around the world are kept.
It’s no wonder that among young people, depression and anxiety are rising.
But I discovered that there is a solution we have yet to tap in Chicago: seniors’ tremendous empathy for children.
I spent much of the last year listening to more than two dozen randomly selected low-income seniors H.O.M.E. has served on the South and West Sides of Chicago through our Upkeep & Repair, Moving, and Shopping Bus programs. Most are women, and all but one are Black. We decided to solicit their advice for how H.O.M.E. could best support them through practical services, new housing, or advocacy for racial and economic equity.
Today, as I cull through my notes, what surprises me is how little they focus on themselves, even though they live on low incomes and often in physical pain.
Although I went into these interviews with an open mind, I expected I would hear a resounding “yes” for more affordable housing for seniors, and for an expansion of services. But this was only the case for a few.
When asked what they love about their neighborhoods, half of them highlighted a family-oriented community. “We look out for each other, we love each other, and remain concerned about our neighborhood,” said one Chatham resident.
Their main concern is safety. But while a few blamed “young buckaroos,” as one man put it, for their own behavior, most connected the dots between violence and diminished job, educational, and recreational opportunities for young people.
“The street is their family” because they have no other, observed a 63-year-old West Side man.
“When you see young guys without jobs, it's racism. School systems don’t get what they should get. You have to catch the kids when they are young, truant officers are long gone. You have to keep children in school. [I recommend an] affordable boys and girls club or after-school programs. Kids have nowhere to go after school most days. My grandkids hate the police and don’t feel they are keeping them safe. They don’t trust the police at all.” (Chatham)
A retired teacher in West Garfield Park, Gloria, aged 67, was most expansive in her response:
“You can see the difference for majority-minority neighborhoods. The local schools have no pianos, at most one desktop computer in the back of the class, no laptops, no gym or art. Only one elementary school on the West Side even offers a foreign language, compared to non-Black counterparts. We’re not giving children the opportunity.
“I would change the whole scenery and give children and adults something to do with their time. I would like to see the community open back up. [Emphasis hers] I would make the public library more alive and wholesome. I would add a community center open from 8 AM to 8 PM where people could play chess, checkers and other games. I would like to see basketball, baseball, tennis, and a pool – available and for free as when I was a child. There was not a block, when I was a kid, that you couldn’t find something to do. When I was a child, there were opportunities to learn ballet, pottery, painting, drawing, swimming, the Girl Scouts. That just vanished. I have two grandchildren sitting with me at home because camp is too expensive for my daughter.”
What’s tragic to me is that this passion from older people for giving disadvantaged young lives a chance has few outlets for expression.
That’s where intergenerational communities and H.O.M.E. come in.
Hope Meadows, a village of grandparents, parents, and adopted foster children in central Illinois, has tapped into what founder Brenda Krause Eheart, in her book Neighbors, calls “the power of caring relationships among people of all ages.” Older people find meaning and purpose at Hope Meadows as they read to, watch, and encourage the children in their midst. And the children flourish in the love and attention of their “grandfriends.”
I am very excited that H.O.M.E. is embarking on developing a new intergenerational residence in Washington Park together with The Renaissance Collaborative. In our new 74-unit building, we envision two dozen “grandfamilies” living and thriving alongside older adults and younger people living and working as Resident Assistants mirroring H.O.M.E. 's North Side Nathalie Salmon House and Pat Crowley House.
Also on the South Side, we are assisting One Roof Chicago to create an LGBTQ+-centered intergenerational community. LGBTQ+ youth are among the most ostracized people. Who better to give them the warmth and nurturance of a genuine family than elders?
Our moral imperative as a society is to care about our children no matter their race, sexual or gender identity, or income. This is not a question of choice. The same can be said for our seniors. What better solution than to bring young and old together?
Gloria says it best: “Every day when I get up, I get fully dressed. I show my grandchildren we have to care about something more than ourselves.”